A few years ago I heard a horrible story about a tragic accident that happened in someone’s life. The stress and pain overcame that person’s mind and he decided to take his own life, leaving behind his wife and kids. Being a new father at that time, the story made me feel sick to my stomach and it still makes me feel uneasy thinking about it today.
That same week, I had a guys trip planned to Nashville with two of my best friends from growing up together. We all lived in different states and decided that we were long overdue for a reunion to celebrate some of the personal milestones that we had reached. One of the guys had just landed his dream job of being an FBI agent and was awaiting his first assignment. The other was expecting their second son and I was awaiting the birth of my second daughter.
Although we were all experiencing great personal joys, I made it a point to share with my friends the tragic story that I had heard that week. I am not sure if the person that took his own life had good friends or not, but part of me has always wondered if he had good friends at his side when tragedy struck. Did his friends drop what they were doing and run to his aid when he needed them most? Would I drop what I was doing if I knew my friends needed support? That weekend with my friends, we each made it clear to one another that we would be there when it mattered the most.
When my mom died last year, I am thankful that I had great friends. Friends flew in from out of town just to be there with me for a few hours. I was blown away by the line of friends from my work that showed up at the wake. They had never met my Mom, but they took the time to visit with me and show their sympathy. There has never been a time in my life that I felt more cared for and loved then when my Mom died.
Building and maintaining friendships takes effort. Following up with friends that need support takes initiative and time. Being intentional and breaking through the surface level relationships takes courage. At times friendships will take an emotional toll on your life but not having good friends can be tragic when you need support the most.
The most important thing you can do to build great friendships is to be a good friend yourself. Make the phone call to catch up before you are needed and be ready to listen, be present and act when you are needed. Lastly, do not expect anything in return. A good friend does not keep record. Continue to give your time, care and support without any expectation of reciprocation. Be the type of friend that you want to have.